Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Distractionfest 2007: third day

Well, here I am dutifully back on the third day, to present to you:

Distractionfest 2007: the third day

Meanwhile, it turns out that James Lark -- the original impetus for the great goodness which is the Distractionfest -- has been laid up ill, and too distracted on his own terms to truly enjoy the 'Fest. So, dear friend, bookmark these pages for later. But for today, we're sending out good feelin' distraction vibes to you, hoping that you feel better (and more distract-able) soon.

First, providing some rationale for torturing squirrels in 'squirrel fishing', check out Scary Squirrel World, replete with pictures, games, features, and down-home warnin' agin' the dangers of them skwerls! Or maybe we made them this way by torturing them. Whatever.

Perhaps you fancy a tour of 'real America', land of peanut butter and a curious rounders-inspired game called baseball (and that other football). From the comfort of your own desk -- in James' case, his own sickbed -- you can see many of the attractions of roadside America, featuring many pictures of the near-ubiquitous giant Muffler Man. This site is frequently updated with personal reports and photos, including, recently: Man on a Pole. With Spurs. from Bossier City, Louisiana. (It is in fact more painful to look at than contemplate.)

But alas, a road trip in contemporary America can't feature the roadside commonplace of bygone years: Howard Johnson's Restaurant. The familiar orange and blue-emblazoned restaurants now only inhabit our memories of stunningly mediocre food served in a forgettable setting. In fact, if it weren't for bad memories, I wouldn't have any memories of HoJo's. Once when I was 10 I became violently ill after consuming an innocent-looking turkey lunch platter. We should have taken it as a bad omen when we saw a dead rat out in front of the restaurant. Never again! Well, never again is now, as the chain has closed (very nearly) every single outlet. Yet the memories, such as they are, live on in cyberspace at HoJoLand. It is a testament to the draw of this quirky site that it actually made me slightly wistful at losing something that I couldn't imagine being rid of too soon.

I don't know why but I am having a huge Tim Horton's jones right now, eh? Wouldn't a box of Timbits be great? I've got to stop writing these late at night...

So, finally, what we all want: a video of fainting goats!

Come back tomorrow for Distractionfest: day four!

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