Distractionfest 2008 continues! (Why not?)

At the risk of promising to actually post on Gower Street with regularity, nevertheless I have decided that Distractionfest has been fun and interesting enough to become an irregular (but ongoing) feature here, bringing you intriguing, inspiring, and/or lighthearted findings from around the internet.

So for the first entry in Distractionfest Unlimited*, I bring you: The Condiment Packet Gallery, a collection of 700+ condiment packets culled from fast food establishments near and far. In fact, if you know of one which is not found in his collection, he would be keen for you to submit it to him, for which he will give you a genuine Condiment Packet Gallery Pin.

*patent pending

Distractionfest 2008: day 4 or 5 - ubiquitous improv

I have a couple of friends who have been involved with improvisational comedy, and it always looks like a lot of fun, and also a lot of work. (Indeed, my friend James, who was a major impetus for Distractionfest in the first place, served as a part of Impromime, an improvisational troupe who performed improv pantomimes.)

I really like the idea of public drama - and pranks and practical jokes and hoaxes - and I recently discovered Improv Everywhere, a troupe which does long form improv troupe which performs pre-planned 'missions', usually involving socially awkward or uncomfortable situations. (That text comes from their website.) It is somewhat like a more elaborate and well-organised flashmob, although the first 'no pants subway' day pre-dates the first official flashmob by about a year.

They have received some press around the world for their annual 'no pants' day (although I hasten to add for the sake of my British readership that this would be better characterised as 'no trousers day'). It involved hundreds of people in cities such as New York riding the subway whilst wearing no trousers. Safety in numbers, I suppose. It made the news. (Participants did wear underpants, it is worth noting.)

They've done plenty of other fun missions, too, including the following:

1) Frozen Grand Central, in which 207 'agents' all freeze in place at the exact same moment in various parts of Grand Central Station in New York City. The video is great - they always take video to record peoples' reactions. They did this for exactly five minutes, and then all unfroze as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened and went about the rest of their day.



2) They also did a hoax improv U2 concert in Manhattan called 'Even Better Than the Real Thing', complete with adoring fans. (Apparently U2 are known for doing impromptu concerts for free in unusual locations, so there was a patina of credibility to the idea that U2 might be playing, unseen, on a rooftop in midtow Manhattan.) The singing and whatnot was not amazing, but it looked like a fun mission.



3) The Moebius is a mission in which a group played and replayed (acted and reacted) the same five minute script 12 times consecutively in a Starbucks, a scene involving seven agents and seven different components. It is quite elaborate, and fun to read about all that went into setting it up.



4) Best Buy is one of my favourites, and its cleverness is only matched by its simplicity. In this one, 80 agents infiltrate a Best Buy electronics shop in Manhattan, all wearing blue polo shirts and khaki trousers with a belt, in order to match the shop's uniform (minus name tag, of course).



5) There are many others worth a look - who can forget the Slo-Mo Home Depot or the Cellphone Symphony? - but I will close with another personal favourite, the McDonald's Bathroom Attendant. This one is, like Best Buy, sheer genius in its simplicity, and the margin of credibility really sells it and makes it a top drawer practical joke. As the name implies, a couple of agents infiltrated a McDonald's in midtown Manhattan and one of them - who used to be a 'professional' bathroom attendant in an upscale restaurant - sets up a station in the bathroom with all of the accoutrements of a typical bathroom attedant's trade: combs, cologne, other toiletries, even the dish with a few tips. He then proceeds to wait on the customers in typical fashion as they enter, ever the discreet servant, and continues to do so until the manager finds out. A hilarious concept, flawlessly executed.

No video from that one, as you can imagine, but check out the stills and the blog entry.

There are a number of reasons why I really like these kinds of 'pranks'; one of them is that by design no one is ever hurt or humiliated. In that sense it might not even qualify as a true prank. The only ones open to being humiliated are the actors, and they do just fine.

I also really like it because it is a way that opens up quotidien reality for people: here are people going about what seems to be their everyday lives and suddenly they cease obeying the laws that the rest of us effortlessly fall into. They play with conventions and do it in such a good natured way, never menacing, that it 'opens up' the world for others. New possibilities are presented (one of them being that maybe someone doing something outlandishly different isn't a threat). And it provides a pleasurable disorientation as the usual touchstones of life seem slightly off kilter. And of course it is about play, and joy, and in that way is an eminently human and humane sort of practice.

Juvenile? Maybe. But more than that, there is something postively childlike about it as well.

Long may it go on!

Well, that about wraps up Distractionfest 2008. Look for a future Distractionfest next year or the next time James chides me for not keeping him properly entertained, whichever comes first.

Distractionfest 2008: day 3 - Coffee, IKEA, and Mark Malkoff madness

Well, I guess I didn't promise my friend James that Distractionfest would be on consecutive days.

And after all, isn't the internet mostly just distraction anyway? So, in some sense it's like the old saw about kids' day when we were growing up : on the internet, every day is D.

Besides, I haven't been able to do much with Distractionfest recently because I've been...well...distracted.

But without further ado, here now is Distractionfest, Day 3.

I've recently discovered the comedy stylings and general hijinks of Mark Malkoff. I think I first ran into him on YouTube. He's a comedian, a filmmaker and a writer for (I think) Stephen Colbert.

Apparently his apartment in New York needed fumigating recently, and none of his friends could put him up while he waited for the poisons to recede. Finding hotels to be ridiculously overpriced, he did what any sane, rational person would do - and moved into IKEA in Paramus New Jersey. I'm honestly surprised no one's thought of this before; I'm even more surprised that IKEA - seemingly - went for it. Below is the introductory video for the series which lays out the situation and gives you a sense for how most of it will go. You can access the subsequent days spent at IKEA either on his webpage or via YouTube.



And here is his first day, moving in: hijinks ensue! Good humour.

The other thing which Mark is known for, and which I think is a bit cooler than the IKEA gig, is visiting all 171 Starbucks Coffee locations in Manhattan in 24 hours. It is crazy cool - he had to plot his trip to make sure he took in the 24-hour locations in the middle of the night; he had to buy something at each store; he started out bicycling but the caffeine wore on him. I wonder if he's come down from the high yet? Anyway, the entire lark was recorded and is available on YouTube; a fun watch, and nothing if not a modern-day Herculean Labour - which begs the question, what would be the latter-day equivalent of cleaning out the Augean Stables? Answers on a post card via this blog, please. But in the meantime, feast your eyes on 171 Starbucks:



Tomorrow Some subsequent day on Distractionfest 2008: Improv!

Distractionfest 2008: day 2 - keeping it smooth

Obviously, yesterday being Ash Wednesday, there was a one day hiatus in Distractionfest.

But today we return, after having witnessed the sublimity of Jacques Brel, to behold the ridiculousness of Yacht Rock. The phrase 'yacht rock' is used to describe the smooth rock hits which proliferated in the years 1976 to 1984, associated with names such as Michael McDonald, the early Kenny Loggins, The Doobie Brothers, Steely Dan, Christopher Cross and others. Yacht Rock is also the name of a series of videos released on channel101.com and youtube.com, created by J.D. Ryzner.

There are currently 11 in the series, the most recent being released just last week. Each of the videos manages both to send up the genre and also serves as an affectionate, if ironic, tribute to it. They are worth watching for a laugh, as well as to listen to some fine older smooth rock. (Tho' they aren't afraid to pull out the f-bomb...you've been warned.) Each fictional story focuses on the creation of at least one song, featuring outlandish yarns of how it came to be and the personalities behind them; if they are noteworthy for nothing else, they at least present a staggeringly accurate portrayal of John Oates and his personality...or not.

My personal favourites are episodes one and two, and I present them here for your distraction...er, enjoyment.

Here's Episode 1, the one that started it all, with the story of the genesis of 'What a Fool Believes'.


And here is Episode 2, featuring a songwriting duel between Hall & Oates (on the one hand) and Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins (on the other). Some fine cameos by Peter Cetera and Christopher Cross fill out what might be the best episode of the series.


In case YouTube is being stroppy, you can also see all eleven episodes at channel101.com.

Many thanks to my brother Matt - of Baconsteak fame - for connecting me to these videos when he was recently visiting. Here's a link to a cool short video of him playing the guitar.

Look for more Distractionfest 2008 soon!

Distractionfest 2008: day 1 - Jacques Brel

Dear friend James gently chided me over the weekend for not posting more than twice a month recently. He was right, of course, I have been otherwise occupied for a while. But never one to miss an opportunity to overaccept an offer, particularly one of James', I hereby announce that today begins the annual installment of Distractionfest:

Distractionfest 2008

...because you demanded it!

Well, by 'you', of course, I mean 'James' - only he didn't really demand it either.

But before getting further bogged down, let us dash on to other matters.

Over the last year I have been acquainting myself with the delights of French pop music, in particular some of the songs of Jacques Brel (about whom I have known for a while, and even own a CD of his which is in storage in the US). But I have realised that, as incredible as Brel is to hear, he is even more moving to see.

Probably the best known song of Brel's to American audiences is 'Ne Me Quitte Pas' (translated - quite inadequately - into English as 'If You Go Away', and covered by numerous artists such as Dusty Springfield. A better translation would be 'Don't leave me'.). It is a desperate, poignant - and ultimately fruitless - plea for a lover to stay. It moves me whenever I listen to it; it is hard for me to watch him sing it without becoming choked up. Some have described it as a love song, but that's wrong - although it might be Romantic in a certain sort of (capitalised) way. It is filled with such raw, pleading emotion, only to end with abandonment; it's not love, but a deeply poignant vulnerability, a humanity. The video clearly shows Brel as both an astounding lyricist and an amazingly talented performer. He clearly communicates the emotion, without going 'over the top'; watch it, even if you can't follow the French, and see if it doesn't affect you. Vraiment, un maître!

Another song of Brel's which I have discovered more recently is Amsterdam, first performed live in 1964 and apparently not originally intended for recording, it is nevertheless another of his more popular songs (and covered in English by many, including David Bowie). When first performed, it was met with a three minute standing ovation, almost 30 seconds longer than the song itself. The music itself, as well as the singing, constitutes a crescendo which builds to the very end. The lyrics themselves speak about sailors in the port of Amsterdam and all that they do there - sing, sleep, dream, be born, die, whore, eat, drink (and drink, and drink), and so on. One commentator - who posted the 1966 version with English subtitles on YouTube - described this as 'Brel's vision of freedom', the implication being that this is something great and good. But interestingly, the singer himself - in the form of I (je) - only appears in the very last full line before the final chorus: 'Et quand ils ont bien bu Se plantent le nez au ciel Se mouchent dans les étoiles Et ils pissent comme je pleure Sur les femmes infidèles' = 'And when they [i.e. the sailors] are well and truly drunk, they put their noses in the sky and blow their noses in the stars and they piss like I weep for the unfaithful wives.'

I think, on the contrary, that this is deeply ambiguous about freedom: the narrator's not a sailor, the women of Amsterdam (or at another point in the song, Hamburg) are not sailors. They instead endure the sailors who sail from place to place with no home, no roots, exercising a kind of 'freedom' which is parasitic on those they find themselves amongst. The narrator does not style himself as eating, sleeping, singing, whoring, drinking, enjoying it all but merely weeping. Not accidentally, this comes at the very end of the song, at the very height of the crescendo; after that, the refrain is hastily repeated twice and it all ends abruptly, perhaps to some surprise, and we are left wondering about this reversal. I don't think this is a paean to freedom at all, but a startling presentation of its enduring ambiguities.

The presentation is dramatic and, like the other, worth a look even if you don't know French.



Come back tomorrow for more Distractionfest 2008 - space and time permitting.

Distractionfest 2007: fifth day (Whew! We've made it!)

Well, here we are, friends, at day five of Distractionfest. It's been a great week: we've seen some new things, had a few laughs -- and I'd like to think we've learned a little something too (not least, that I have no compunction extending out a joke two or three days beyond its natural lifespan.).

So without further ado, here are today's features:

Kevin 'The Nalts' Nalty, web video director extraordinaire, has constructed a website with all of you cubicle dwellers in mind: Cube Break.* He also has a blog, entitled Will Video for Food, on which you can find more videos. The ones where he talks about his company provide a few chuckles.

But even funnier in the video category is the feature entitled Ask A Ninja. If you've tried Ask Amy or Ann Landers and you're still looking for life guidance, The Ninja is your friend. Each video features him answering questions mailed into him by viewers. Much better than John Belushi's old 'Samurai Advice Columnist'!

Picking up this week's developing theme of travels in America: If you were considering a trip to America and were having trouble deciding between the Westin and the substantially-cheaper competition (often name 'the Breezewood Inn'), then check out Motel Hell. The blogger documents the last 80 years or so of motel accomodations in America through his collection of old motel postcards. It's kitsch! It's schlock! You'll plotz!

Finally, let's return to where it all began: Chicago, Illinois, with a website featuring art along Western Avenue (the world's longest street). The art is not 'connoisseur's' art, but rather the art of everyday life, and outsider art, particularly as found in many working class and immigrant neighbourhoods of Chicago. It's actually really fascinating and a neat look at a vast cross section of the real city. And if this tempts you to want to visit Chicago, but you're less than flush, the Chicago Tribune has an article for you today, entitled "Chicago on $5 or less". Just think, with the strength of the pound, that's actually only £2.60!

So that's all for this year. Look for Distractionfest 2008 next year -- unless, that is, I get distracted.


Oh, and James: you're welcome.



*(I've only seen a couple of videos there, and it looked okay -- if there's offensive stuff buried there, let me know and I'll remove the link.)

Distractionfest 2007: fourth day

Get keen, lads! It's time for the fourth day of Distractionfest 2007!

First on our lineup of useless, amusing, (and/or) bizarre offering of the internet: The website of Demotivators, the aptly titled Despair.com. We've all seen those insipid posters which implore you to follow your dreams (so long as your dream matches with the company's vision statement, anyway). Demotivators takes these posters a step farther: whether you find that step amusing, horrifying, subversive, or just refreshingly honest is a decision you will have to make. They feature such 'motivational' sayings such as:

Leaders:Leaders are like Eagles. We don't have either around here.
and:

Motivation:If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.
and:

Quality: The race for quality has no finish line- so technically, it's more like a death march.
and two of my favourites:

Get to Work: You're not being paid to believe in the power of your dreams
and:

Cluelessness: There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.

Many of them work better with the picture that they're correlated with. But I generally find them quite hilarious, and I wager it would provide a welcome diversion for your workday. Go there and spend mad amounts of money to outfit your office and gift your friends. (You can even create your own! (AKMA has come up with one.))


Next up, as a complement to yesterday's lightning-quick tour or roadside Americana, J.R. Daeshner's website (and book) featuring what he calls 'True Brits', doing what they do best. This includes such traditional pastimes as drinking rather a lot and rolling a cheese down a hill, or drinking rather a lot and playing mob football, or drinking rather a lot and going shin kicking. Who says the Brits don't have a wide variety of leisure pursuits? His book is fairly diverting leisure reading (while drinking rather a lot, naturally); it's available at Amazon.com if you would like to read it. (Alcoholic beverages are best procured locally, however.)


But let's take a brief detour back across the pond, shall we? First, we'll glance at Barraclou.com, a photography site run by a French Canadien. Among his treasure trove of photos, you will find a set of pics of Flora, Oregon, ghost town in a verdant, pastoral setting. You will also find a nearly comprehensive tribute site to Dixie Square Mall, a shopping centre which I lived a few miles north of for about five years. There is much that can be said about Dixie Square, little of it good, but it is best known for being the mall that the Blues Brothers drove through during a chase scene in the first Blues Brothers movie. But I think the most amazing thing about it is that it was open as a mall for a mere 12 years, and has sat as a vacant, rotting hulk for more than 25.

The final highlight from his site is a page filled with information about pay phones. Would you like to call the payphone on the observation deck of the Sears Tower? He'll get you set up.


If the reference to the Blues Brothers has you fondly reminiscing of the movie, and especially the chase scene, you'll want to check out this site, which boasts 'Return to Chicago 2005', a movie shot in the locations of the original film, 25 years later, using the same model cop car.


Finally, if the pictures of the vacant interior of Dixie Square Mall intrigue you, then maybe you're feeling a tug in the direction of Urban Exploration (UE). If so, then you need to check out UE headquarters, simply titled: Jinx. Jinx is the magazine of a group of Urban Explorers in New York who explore and document abandoned buildings, subway stations, and the like. They have even scaled the Williamsburg Bridge (and the Brooklyn Bridge, and the George Washington Bridge...). Oh, and they wear uniforms of black suits, white shirts and black ties -- the women wear black cocktail dresses and (I think) heels. They have put out a book (which I read shortly after its release; I would recommend it), entitled Invisible Frontier: Exploring the Tunnels, Ruins, and Rooftops of Hidden New York, detailing some of their exploits -- and also their ideas. You see, exploring old buildings and forgotten parts of the city is not enough with them, they also engage in what they call 'Athenaeum', regular public debate (a cool idea). It goes with saying (I hope) that even if UE is interesting, and Jinx is a good read, I don't necessarily endorse everything they say or do.


Come back tomorrow for our madcap final installment of Distractionfest 2007 - because it's pretty much back to the usual stentorian essays after that.

Distractionfest 2007: third day

Well, here I am dutifully back on the third day, to present to you:

Distractionfest 2007: the third day

Meanwhile, it turns out that James Lark -- the original impetus for the great goodness which is the Distractionfest -- has been laid up ill, and too distracted on his own terms to truly enjoy the 'Fest. So, dear friend, bookmark these pages for later. But for today, we're sending out good feelin' distraction vibes to you, hoping that you feel better (and more distract-able) soon.

First, providing some rationale for torturing squirrels in 'squirrel fishing', check out Scary Squirrel World, replete with pictures, games, features, and down-home warnin' agin' the dangers of them skwerls! Or maybe we made them this way by torturing them. Whatever.

Perhaps you fancy a tour of 'real America', land of peanut butter and a curious rounders-inspired game called baseball (and that other football). From the comfort of your own desk -- in James' case, his own sickbed -- you can see many of the attractions of roadside America, featuring many pictures of the near-ubiquitous giant Muffler Man. This site is frequently updated with personal reports and photos, including, recently: Man on a Pole. With Spurs. from Bossier City, Louisiana. (It is in fact more painful to look at than contemplate.)

But alas, a road trip in contemporary America can't feature the roadside commonplace of bygone years: Howard Johnson's Restaurant. The familiar orange and blue-emblazoned restaurants now only inhabit our memories of stunningly mediocre food served in a forgettable setting. In fact, if it weren't for bad memories, I wouldn't have any memories of HoJo's. Once when I was 10 I became violently ill after consuming an innocent-looking turkey lunch platter. We should have taken it as a bad omen when we saw a dead rat out in front of the restaurant. Never again! Well, never again is now, as the chain has closed (very nearly) every single outlet. Yet the memories, such as they are, live on in cyberspace at HoJoLand. It is a testament to the draw of this quirky site that it actually made me slightly wistful at losing something that I couldn't imagine being rid of too soon.

I don't know why but I am having a huge Tim Horton's jones right now, eh? Wouldn't a box of Timbits be great? I've got to stop writing these late at night...

So, finally, what we all want: a video of fainting goats!



Come back tomorrow for Distractionfest: day four!

Distractionfest 2007: second day

Welcome back to day two of the first annual Distractionfest. Feeling distracted yet? Wait until you check out these features...

First, we turn to dedicated blogger Joe Mathlete, who explains todays Marmaduke comic strip. Daily, Joe goes 'behind the panel' to unearth the literary parallels and philosophical subtexts of everyone's favourite dog. There is enough here to keep even the most dogged deconstructionist among us satisfied. Oh, owner-man! Will you ever win?

Next up, the weblog for Trip Adviser, aptly entitled We Are Not Making This Up. For your reading pleasure (and, sometimes, pain), the Snarky Owl takes the best in thoughtless comments, shiftless management, and half-baked feedback and brings it direct to you (eliminating the middle man). Go now!

But then come back and play...Park the Car! A surprisingly addictive game which puts you in the driver's seat of a Peugeot 107. The game consists of (as the title implies) parking the car. Sometimes you have to nose it in, other times back it in; you even parallel park sometimes. As I say, it is surprisingly addicting.

Or, you can play Zwok, an online computer game that simulates being in a three-on-three snowball fight. It is also addictive! I played it twice, and each time after that said to myself 'I've gotta stop...after just one more.'

Finally, in a feature which can only be called "Noli turbare circulos meos", here is a video featuring a world champion circle drawer, who can draw a 1 metre perfect freehand circle in under a second.


Remember to come back tomorrow for Distractionfest 2007: day three!

Distractionfest 2007: first day

I have been -- as we Americans might say -- taken to the woodshed by my friend James, who berated me for not giving him sufficient distraction from his real work last week.

Well, farbeit from me to let a friend down -- or at least to do so two weeks in a row.

So I hereby declare this Distractionfest 2007, the first annual weeklong webfest in which bloggers everywhere (starting with me) will post the most amusing, annoying, bizarre, or absurd findings that they have gleaned from the web. If you choose to participate, please leave a comment below so I (and, more importantly, a procrastinating James) can see what you have found.

My first day's contributions consist entirely of links found at the faculty page of Abraham Stone, Assistant Professor of Philosophy at the University of California, Santa Cruz.

First, there is a mirror site of walruses.com. If you love walruses -- or know someone who does -- you can't resist this site. There is no explanation for the tragic heartbreak of why the original walruses.com is no longer with us.

Next up: Squirrel fishing. No, this is not a site about squirrels going fishing (although how cool would that be?); it is about fishing for squirrels. In a very reasonable attempt to enhance rodent perfomance evaluations, these engineers have devised a method known as squirrel fishing. You wonder about engineers who have such time as to think about how to exploit squirrels: what sort of a fellowship do they have (and where can I sign up?). Oh, I know what you're thinking: what about a theologian who can blog about squirrel exploitation? Well, I'll tell you: I don't have a fellowship. This site also supports G.K. Chesterton's dictum that it is not poets that go mad, but mathematicians -- or, in this case, applied mathematicians.

And finally, pictures of philosopher Rudolf Carnap's (pictured left) mother and father.

And James: You're welcome.